Thursday, December 2, 2010

Why Do All Good Things Come To An End? (3)

By Miriam B. Medina

(Continue from Page: 2)

This behavior affects a person's self-worth. And what is "Self-worth?" This is the value that one assigns to oneself. It's also one's favorable opinion of oneself that is not contingent on financial assets, academic achievements, status quo or physical attractiveness. It's a moral compass point you use to navigate your life, and once it's knocked askew, it's hard to find your emotional bearings and to regain confidence in what you are doing and where you are going. It makes it hard to navigate your daily life, and it's scary. Everyone is certainly worthy. It is a remarkable gift that we are born with that can't be taken from us but can be overlooked every so often. A harmful relationship can make anyone feel that this is not true.

There is a difference between self-esteem and self-worth. Self-esteem fluctuates depending on what is happening to you at the time. If you are successful or content, you feel great, proudly walking around with your chest pumped out, but if you have failed, then you feel terrible, walking around with a bowed head and droopy shoulders. In order to love others, we must accept our value and love ourselves. It doesn't matter what we may have accomplished in life, and it doesn't matter what others think of us, we should above all love ourselves unconditionally.

Therefore, everything that happens to us through our own emotions, actions and thoughts are of considerable importance in playing a role in the growth and development of a relationship. In plain words, we are entirely responsible for whatever we think, say and do. We can choose to be happy or desire to be miserable. And by ignoring this, we can make ourselves incapable of love, and incapable of making our partner happy.

So whenever something seems to be bothering you with respect to your partner or the relationship, discuss it until it is favorably resolved. When you make known your emotional wants and needs to your partner, try to avoid whining and self-pitying drama, because this method doesn't improve the situation at hand. Be straightforward in your communication by explaining calmly and rationally what you feel and how you are distressed or outraged by the way the relationship seems to be going. On the other hand, you need to be responsive to your partner's feelings. Perhaps there will be some truths about yourself that you might not want to hear. If you sincerely wish for the relationship to survive, then accept your share of the blame and don't place it only on your mate because it's convenient for you. It's important to know each other's style of communicating so that there are no misunderstandings, which, therefore, will ultimately strengthen the ongoing relationship.

If communicating directly with your partner doesn't get you anywhere, then you may need professional help to assist you when addressing the issues at hand. This will allow you to achieve a better level of mutual understanding and communication between the both of you. One should seek treatment that focuses on the emotions, which will help reduce relationship related stress and psychological symptoms. When a person believes in their worthlessness, then they put themselves in a state of feeling helpless and are afraid.. By openly talking about the pain, hurt and emotions that have been buried deep inside, you are taking a step toward emotional healing and self-worth improvement. The process of evaluation and dealing with emotions will help you achieve that level of forgiveness of self, and will ultimately lead to forgiveness toward the partner who has hurt you. Therapy, anger management groups, and support groups, and most of all, if you are a believer, a trust in God can help alleviate chronic anger, instilling hope for a better future. Hope is a divine gift from God. As the injured party comes to terms with himself or herself and is released from negative and painful feelings, the injured partner begins to grow emotionally stronger.

To be continued: Page: 4

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