Saturday, January 1, 2011

The Human Connection, Part II A Positive Outlook on Life (3))

By Miriam B. Medina

As a concerned parent, you need to build strong human contact with your child and talk to them about alcohol and illegal drugs. You need to explain to them how these substances can affect their studying habits, causing grades to decline by affecting memory and learning skills. You want to show how substance abuse creates problems amongst relationships, friends and families. If the child or young adult has hopes of going to college, explain to them how drugs will interfere with their educational goals. Parents have a remarkable impact on their child's decision as to whether or not they will use drugs.

When you love a child, you need to get into the habit of talking with them every day. The more you know about your child, the easier it will be to advise the child to gravitate towards more productive activities and friendships. It's crucial not to be critical. Positive reinforcement and encouraging support are more effective in influencing children's behavior than criticism. If you are successful in establishing clear lines of communication with your child about routine events, she, or he, will be more likely to seek your input on more pressing issues.

Not only should you have direct communication with your child, but you need to get involved in their activities and praise his or her accomplishments. You will be amazed at how much this quality time-sharing significant activities, whether it is reading a book, playing a game of your child's choosing or going on an outing, is essential to building a strong parent-child relationship. When a child feels the love and support of a parent through the many phases of their childhood, where they can express themselves without fear of rejection or recrimination, a strong foundation is built, one that reinforces the basis of their not turning to substance abuse as a way of dealing with stress.

One most important factor in establishing effective human contact is to keep reassuring your child, teen-ager or young adult that you will always be there for them no matter what. Whether you believe it or not, they ARE listening to you, and it will mean so much to your child to hear you say that. Not only should you say you love him or her unconditionally, but you MUST follow the words up with love. Give them a hug once in a while, which represents a sense of security and connection. Human warmth is the first physical contact that brings its own special kind of reassurance to both parent and child. Help them take possession of their life once again, rebuild their confidence and self-esteem, and in so doing you will make them feel safe and sound in the human connection, benefiting them in important relationships for the rest of their lives.

So in order to establish that strong human connection that will give you a positive approach toward a happier existence for this coming year, start by demonstrating your respect toward another person. Sincerely show an interest in listening to what he or she is revealing with regards to issues that need to be resolved that concern the both of you. In most cases, arguments between family, spouses, or lovers are intensified because of the disrespectful and insensitive manner in which these issues have been handled. It is important to maintain empathy and support of the other person's situation while trying to find a constructive way of resolving those issues. In applying this technique, you are exercising discipline in self-control which will give you a good grasp of the situation at hand, taking the edge off of a potential hostile encounter. If you are not in agreement with what is said, please try to exercise wisdom and patience instead of being sarcastic, self-righteous, or a blame shifter, because negative criticism deflates and destroys self-esteem. Instead of becoming closer, this will cause the schism to be widened and the hurt to cut deeper. The effectiveness of your message will depend on what you had to say, the manner in which you said it, and whether or not the other person understood its meaning. So, if you are in a relationship worth saving, and if both of you are willing to work at it with a genuine enthusiasm and strong commitment, then good luck and best of success to you. After all, in the New Year, if you work to affect positive change, anything is possible.

Miriam B. Medina is an expert author at Platinum Level at

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