There really are no easy solutions for lessening the violence in our nation, so each and every one of us must do our part to attempt to end the violence in order to make America a safer place to live. We need to fight for tougher penalties for violent offenders, making sure that they will be punished to the full extent of the law as well as provide assistance to women who are survivors of violence. We must be prepared to cooperate with government officials, law enforcement, educators and community leaders as well as with each other. In unity there is strength. Parents have the responsibility of nurturing and guiding their children through every aspect of growing up. They need to be involved in all of their children’s activities, protecting and keeping them safe. Parents need to teach their children about relationships, dangers of alcohol and drug use, as well as showing the difference between making right and wrong choices. "Positive reinforcement and constructive support are more effective in influencing children's behavior than criticism." Maintaining good communications with your child will make it easier for him/her to come to you when they have a problem or to seek your opinion on more serious issues as well. Because abuse and crime is on the rise, today’s parents need to oversee the kinds of video games that their children are involved with, rap and hip-hop music that they listen to as well as monitor the content of TV programming and computer use.. Parents should set viewing limits, so that the child can spend more time in other constructive areas such as reading, playing with their friends etc. Protecting children from exposure to violence in the environment, whether on television or in the neighborhood, is important for a child to feel safe.
If at any time you feel your life or someone else’s life is in immediate danger, please I repeat please DO NOT HESITATE call the police. Stop the cycle of violence and make our nation a safer place to live.
.
Contact Author: miriammedina@earthlink.net or miriam@thehistorybox.com
.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Domestic Violence: A Heart-Rendering Experience (3)
So Why Do Women Stay In Such an Abusive Relationship?
For many reasons; they depend economically on these men; they are afraid that if they try to leave, they would place themselves and their children in greater physical danger; some women lack job skills, and might not be able to get a job to support themselves; fear of the unknown; not finding a place to live; isolation: family members fearful of being targeted by the abuser don’t want to get involved; not wanting to leave friends and family behind, as well as not wanting the kids to leave their school;. fear of her abuser calling where she works and making problems; fear of losing custody of the children depending on her partner’s remarks; fear of emotional damage to the children; and so on and so forth.
Does Violence Discriminate?
Violence is non-discriminatory. It not only existed during the 19th century among the impoverished, uneducated, immigrants packed in tenements reeking with filth, pestilential odors and suffocating heat, but still and will continue to exist in Modern America. It commonly happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, religions, gay/lesbian/transvestite relationships, intimate partners and financial levels. You will find that among the perpetrators of these acts of violence there are intelligent and ambitious individuals, college graduates, entrepreneurs, high ranking officials as well as prominent suburbanites.
We then ask ourselves; So what causes such violent behavior in society?
Public opinion suggests that it may be attributed to poverty, racism, unemployment, substance abuse, abusive parenting practices, and frequent exposure to violence through the media.
To be continued: Domestic Violence: (4)
To contact: miriammedina@earthlink.net or miriam@thehistorybox.com.
.
For many reasons; they depend economically on these men; they are afraid that if they try to leave, they would place themselves and their children in greater physical danger; some women lack job skills, and might not be able to get a job to support themselves; fear of the unknown; not finding a place to live; isolation: family members fearful of being targeted by the abuser don’t want to get involved; not wanting to leave friends and family behind, as well as not wanting the kids to leave their school;. fear of her abuser calling where she works and making problems; fear of losing custody of the children depending on her partner’s remarks; fear of emotional damage to the children; and so on and so forth.
Does Violence Discriminate?
Violence is non-discriminatory. It not only existed during the 19th century among the impoverished, uneducated, immigrants packed in tenements reeking with filth, pestilential odors and suffocating heat, but still and will continue to exist in Modern America. It commonly happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, religions, gay/lesbian/transvestite relationships, intimate partners and financial levels. You will find that among the perpetrators of these acts of violence there are intelligent and ambitious individuals, college graduates, entrepreneurs, high ranking officials as well as prominent suburbanites.
We then ask ourselves; So what causes such violent behavior in society?
Public opinion suggests that it may be attributed to poverty, racism, unemployment, substance abuse, abusive parenting practices, and frequent exposure to violence through the media.
To be continued: Domestic Violence: (4)
To contact: miriammedina@earthlink.net or miriam@thehistorybox.com.
.
Domestic Violence: A Heart-Rendering Experience (2))
Frail, debilitated older people may at times be incapable of helping themselves at all and are subjected to neglect, physical and psychological abuse as well as financial exploitation. They too are no exception in this world of violence and abuse.
Patterns of Abuse and Violence
While abuse may take the form of physical violence, there is also abuse on an emotional and verbal level. The abuser, though appearing to be a powerful and threatening figure, lacks self-esteem, and by attacking repeatedly the self-worth of the person/child, he maintains a sense of power, esteem, and control. By the abuser belittling, shaming, ridiculing or verbally terrorizing the person or child with physical pain, death or the death of a loved one, he is "chipping away at the individuals feelings of self-worth and independence," until that person feels powerless and yields. Abusers also scare their victims into submission ,by the use of threatening looks or gestures, throwing objects at the victim, smashing dishes, destroying property or even showing a weapon to convey the message: "Do As I say or else!"
The power of control is the driving force that motivates the abuser. The abuser needs to always be in control of the relationship, making all decisions and expecting the partner to obey without protest. The victim is treated as that person's possession, to be done with as he sees fit. By making statements such as "You are nothing without ME.!" "You don't need anyone but ME!” “You belong to ME!" the abuser is cutting off the victim from the outside world and making her more dependent on him. The victim is no longer allowed to visit family members and friends or free to go anywhere or see anyone without asking for his permission. Eventually through fear and manipulation the victim becomes the prisoner of the abuser.
Abusive individuals often are impulsive moving frequently, changing jobs, as well as emotionally dependent on their spouse. They are also noted for being blame shifters, never accepting responsibilities for their actions. It will always be someone else's fault,
that they did what they did. The abuser will accuse the partner of having an affair with an imaginary lover, dressing in a provocative way to attract the men, neglecting him, abusing the finances, the house was not clean, the laundry was not done, supper was not ready; whatever insanity of reason that may come to his head, to justify the abuse. The pattern of attack may start with emotional and verbal abuse, but then often escalates from pushing and shoving into an outright violent display of physical force and woe to any one who may want to interfere...
When the abuser returns to reality and he views his masterpiece of brutal art, guilt begins to set in. Abusers do not feel remorse, or guilty for what they have done, but for what is visible for the world to see and the grave consequences that will follow. In plain words, they are more concerned about getting caught and being punished for their deed. Many abusive individuals at the time of the attack are under the influence of substance abuse and would attribute their acts of violence to that. The mere fact is that the abuser abuses his victims, because he/she chooses to abuse.
After the storm is the calm. Many partners deceived by the sudden change in their abuser's behavior pattern, accept the peace offerings as a display of that person's true love, and apparent genuine apologies that this will never happen again even followed up by sex. Some call this the Honeymoon period. The victims begin to relax convincing themselves with excuses such as " He really loves me", "He says he is sorry," "He says he needs me," ”He is really not a bad person," "He lost his job and is under a lot of pressure," "He's just had a bad stroke of luck lately," "It really was my fault, that he got so upset," and so on and so forth. They live in denial as they place themselves in a vulnerable state of belief, trust, and greater risk making it all the more difficult to leave the abuser.
The victim, feeling relieved that all is well, goes cheerfully about her day while the abuser given time to reconstruct his insanity, begins to form the next strategy of attack , planning situations where once again the cycle of violence will take place.
No human being should ever have to go through such a horrible existence and horrendous infliction of pain and suffering.
To be continued: Domestic Violence (3)
.
Patterns of Abuse and Violence
While abuse may take the form of physical violence, there is also abuse on an emotional and verbal level. The abuser, though appearing to be a powerful and threatening figure, lacks self-esteem, and by attacking repeatedly the self-worth of the person/child, he maintains a sense of power, esteem, and control. By the abuser belittling, shaming, ridiculing or verbally terrorizing the person or child with physical pain, death or the death of a loved one, he is "chipping away at the individuals feelings of self-worth and independence," until that person feels powerless and yields. Abusers also scare their victims into submission ,by the use of threatening looks or gestures, throwing objects at the victim, smashing dishes, destroying property or even showing a weapon to convey the message: "Do As I say or else!"
The power of control is the driving force that motivates the abuser. The abuser needs to always be in control of the relationship, making all decisions and expecting the partner to obey without protest. The victim is treated as that person's possession, to be done with as he sees fit. By making statements such as "You are nothing without ME.!" "You don't need anyone but ME!” “You belong to ME!" the abuser is cutting off the victim from the outside world and making her more dependent on him. The victim is no longer allowed to visit family members and friends or free to go anywhere or see anyone without asking for his permission. Eventually through fear and manipulation the victim becomes the prisoner of the abuser.
Abusive individuals often are impulsive moving frequently, changing jobs, as well as emotionally dependent on their spouse. They are also noted for being blame shifters, never accepting responsibilities for their actions. It will always be someone else's fault,
that they did what they did. The abuser will accuse the partner of having an affair with an imaginary lover, dressing in a provocative way to attract the men, neglecting him, abusing the finances, the house was not clean, the laundry was not done, supper was not ready; whatever insanity of reason that may come to his head, to justify the abuse. The pattern of attack may start with emotional and verbal abuse, but then often escalates from pushing and shoving into an outright violent display of physical force and woe to any one who may want to interfere...
When the abuser returns to reality and he views his masterpiece of brutal art, guilt begins to set in. Abusers do not feel remorse, or guilty for what they have done, but for what is visible for the world to see and the grave consequences that will follow. In plain words, they are more concerned about getting caught and being punished for their deed. Many abusive individuals at the time of the attack are under the influence of substance abuse and would attribute their acts of violence to that. The mere fact is that the abuser abuses his victims, because he/she chooses to abuse.
After the storm is the calm. Many partners deceived by the sudden change in their abuser's behavior pattern, accept the peace offerings as a display of that person's true love, and apparent genuine apologies that this will never happen again even followed up by sex. Some call this the Honeymoon period. The victims begin to relax convincing themselves with excuses such as " He really loves me", "He says he is sorry," "He says he needs me," ”He is really not a bad person," "He lost his job and is under a lot of pressure," "He's just had a bad stroke of luck lately," "It really was my fault, that he got so upset," and so on and so forth. They live in denial as they place themselves in a vulnerable state of belief, trust, and greater risk making it all the more difficult to leave the abuser.
The victim, feeling relieved that all is well, goes cheerfully about her day while the abuser given time to reconstruct his insanity, begins to form the next strategy of attack , planning situations where once again the cycle of violence will take place.
No human being should ever have to go through such a horrible existence and horrendous infliction of pain and suffering.
To be continued: Domestic Violence (3)
.
Domestic Violence: A Heart-Rendering Experience (1)
By Miriam Medina Violence, is defined as "an abusive exercise of power; injury; outrage. Swift and intense force, rough or injurious physical force, action, or treatment. An act tending to intimidate or overawe by causing apprehension of bodily injury."
Her loud shrieking anguished cry and plea for help fades away to a barely audible whisper, as the battered victim of domestic violence, rape, or brutal assault desperately struggles against her attacker, clinging to her life. Oftentimes, horribly beaten and bleeding from gashes on her neck, face and head, she lies there almost senseless, as nearby doors and windows remain closed and passersby not wishing to interfere, scurry away in fear for their own lives.
For those that are fortunate enough to live through their horrifying near death experience of broken bones and faces beaten beyond recognition, emotionally scarred they face a fearful and disturbing future. Many victims are reluctant to speak out as they suffer their endless shame, feelings of helplessness, guilt and desperation in isolated silence turning to alcohol, drugs or self-mutilation even to the point of contemplating suicide.
Let's not forget the innocent children, which are also subjected to Neglect, Sexual, Physical and Emotional abuse as well as being silent spectators to domestic violence.
Not only are children witnesses to domestic violence, but also are at high risk for suffering physical abuse themselves, by being in the line of fire when things are thrown or weapons are used. Sometimes an older child will try to protect its mother and the batterer will turn on him/her.
Traumatic experiences such as these, whether it be physical, emotional, or sexual abuse particularly in the early stages of development, can have a devastating and lasting effect on children in their "ability to think, feel, trust and relate to others."
One of the most common and most overlooked forms of family violence in the United States is Sibling Abuse. Most of their violent acts consist of slaps, pushes, bites, kicks and punches, sometimes ending in death. Many young people are not only violent toward their siblings they also physically victimize their parents. Most of these acts consist of biting, kicking, shoving and smacking. Even profanity is used. Parents who are the victims of a violent teenager often find themselves in a terrible dilemma. They love this child desperately and would rather suffer silently in fear and shame than to report the abuse to the proper authorities, for fear of having their child taken away from them. They soul search, feeling guilty, believing that they must have done something wrong to incur such a violent display of anger. Although calling 911 can be the most difficult decision a parent can make yet it is one of the most effective ways for that teenager to take responsibility for his/her actions, that violence doesn't pay.
To be continued: Domestic Violence (2)
To contact author: miriammedina@earthlink.net
.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
