by Miriam B. Medina
(Continue from Part I)
The Victorian Era (1837-1901) was a period of true passion, and offered striking expressions of love. The moonlight walks and whispered words of affection revealed a romantic love which was an essential element for marital success. Courting began to adopt a more precise and formal nature, especially amongst influential society.
Most of the courting would take place in the girl's home, under the eye of her watchful parents. Although having a chaperon was not widely practiced in the United States, at the end of the nineteenth century, notable aristocratic families demanded it, therefore, couples were never allowed to be alone with each other without the presence of a companion until their engagement. The chaperon, acting the part of the mother, accompanied her young lady everywhere, going with her to all the balls, dinners, and especially to the theater parties. All in her efforts to protect the naive girl from the dangers of being sexually exploited.
After the Civil War, the presence of a chaperon began to decline, and the young 19th century couples were able to enjoy their moments of intimacy without supervision. This was acceptable in the northern part of America, but not so in the South. Marriage was the ultimate goal for the young ladies of high society in the South. The gentlemen viewed marriage as a business deal, a commodity to be gained, which he would use to his fullest benefit. In order to ensure that the marriage would be a worthwhile investment for both, bank accounts and familial lineages were to be presented as a preliminary requirement to courtship approval. Few of these marriages ever started with love, and as the years went by, many of the couples would become quite fond of each other, which sometimes resulted in a strong bond, almost as powerful as love.
In the later part of the 19th century, same-sex relationships flourished. Casual romantic liaisons existed between unmarried women, especially among female college students.
The 20th century erupted with a forceful roar, pulverizing previous sex standards and patterns, with respect to American courtship norms, while introducing a modern understanding of sexual freedom and the nature of life among women and young people. America's social scene was changing at a rapid pace, especially in the 1920's. It was a remarkable, dramatic era in all aspects. The economy was in an upswing after World War I; there was uncontrollable wasteful spending and massive profiteering. The automobile was one of the leading consumer products of the 1920's. It was a decade distinguished by creative people and their famous works, and their dangerous. Sinclair Lewis, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald. Etc., they all lived large and fast and wrote sorrowful, poignant tales, so true to life. Gangsterism was dominant, with its fast cars, machine guns, prostitution, and gambling, bootleg booze and corrupt officials. It was a decade granting full woman suffrage in all states of the U.S.
It was also the start of the Harlem Renaissance.
Most importantly, it was the decade of the revolutionary Flapper girl, throwing off her chains of restriction, demanding sexual and personal liberation. She was the original free spirit, the modern woman, who smoked in public, lived on her own, voted, drank booze with the boys, danced, and bobbed her hair. She also wore cosmetics, painted her lips bright red, and went to wild petting parties where she was sexually promiscuous. The Flapper defied all the rules of acceptable feminine behavior, God bless her. She rebelled against corsets by flattening her chest with strips of cloth, giving herself a boyish look.
Courtship or dating began to change with the 1920s. Kissing and fondling were no longer preliminaries to marriage, but indulgent for fun and pleasure. By the 1920s, girls were known to say "they were going all the way, and men were already calling condoms rubbers. "There was little regard for parental consent. Necking and petting were major factors in the courtship or dating trend.
Necking involved, passionate caresses to the neck, lips and ears, leaving visible red marks, called "hickies." Petting involved other sexual sensitive areas of the body, although fully clothed. The romanticism of courtship was now replaced by the act of instant gratification. Dating eventually would lead to substantial intimacies for some couples. So while nice boys and girls were courting, others were having sex.
The 40's and 50's exhibited a greater aspect of sexual intimacy. After World War II, there were many job opportunities resulting from economic prosperity. This allowed the men to earn and spend more. So when a man asked a girl out on a date, he would end up paying for the entertainment, refreshments and transportation. Naturally the more he spent on his date, the more he expected as a return on his investment, so he treated her like a commodity. With the 60's came the accessibility of the birth control pill, sexual changes, and the Stonewall Police Riot in 1969. This was not only the true turning point for the gay rights movement, but, was the emergence of a new concept of gay identity known as: "Gay Pride versus the closet."
Thus the sexual revolution began. Women stood up for their rights. Minorities stood up for their rights. Gays stood up for their rights. Peaceful protesters were killed at Universities. It was awkward, but people stood up for their rights.
It's funny adolescence is awkward, but that's where you discover your sexuality. Nonetheless, the protests in the 60's were awkward. Perhaps that was America discovering its sexuality; feeling its oats after 200 years.
And here we sit now, waiting for some great ideal, the American Dream maybe, to show up and buy us a drink for our efforts.
But maybe the American Dream is a deadbeat, or it's Santa Clause... Or maybe it's not some thing that's going to save us from ourselves.
Maybe it's us, waiting at the bar, expecting some great payoff for a sexual revolution begun nearly 300 years ago, a revolution that isn't finished, that's waiting for you and I to bring it home.
You know what; I think this round is on me.
Now it's your turn,
Let's make this an America we can all enjoy.
Oh, and tip the bartender, he's kept us happy for over 234 years!
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Courtesy
of Bob Maida-Photographer
