Alone In The Abyss With My Depression

By Miriam B. Medina 
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"For Thou Wilt light my candle: the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness." Ps. 18:28"

At some point in life many people find themselves in situations where the darkness overwhelms them. This is called depression, which can be very serious, whether we are depressed by the ending of a relationship, a death, the sickness of a loved one, from physical abuse, or even from the loss of our home or our livelihood. The list of possible causes for depression is endless, yet the end results can become permanently damaging or life threatening no matter what the cause might be. I, for one, am familiar with the symptoms of depression. My depression resulted from years of physical, emotional and verbal abuse at the hands of an alcoholic husband. My depression is no more or less important than yours, or any other person's depression. Depression, if not attended to, can have dire consequences.

Serious Depression should not be taken lightly. It should be monitored at all times. It is a treatable illness, if attended to properly and if it's caught early enough. People who are depressed suffer feelings of loneliness, sadness, grief, and, sometimes when things seem the worst, suicidal thoughts. Mental depression is not racist, sexist, nor does it single out anyone with any particular religious beliefs, it can consume us all if we allow it to. What happens to each and every one of us does matter. More importantly, how we recognize and respond to what happens to us says everything about who we are. It takes time and effort to escape the seemingly unbreakable clutches of depression.

There are several options when it comes to finding help when dealing with depression. There's religion, there's psychotherapy, and there's the holistic way, utilizing the power of positive thinking. If you need help, you can read my three-part article, published here, titled "How To Keep One Step Ahead Of Mental Depression, Parts 1-3". It may be helpful, and I truly hope it is. If not, I have written this poem about my fight with depression. Sometimes it helps a lot just to get things off of your chest. Sometimes it helps to simply understand that you are not alone, that others get depressed and feel pain like you. Sometimes reading or writing a poem like this is cathartic, which helps you shed the pain. And sometimes, you just need a hug from a friend who understands your grief. Consider this my hug. I hope you enjoy.
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In the darkness of my sleepless night,
I am alone.
I toss and turn as peaceful sleep eludes me,
I am alone.
I lay in bed, eyes wide open.
I am so alone...
Staring at the ceiling,
Hands clutching sheets,
I am exhausted and drained
As tears sting my eyes.
I am silent, screaming with rage inside.
I try to hide sorrow, covering sadness with smiles and laughter.
My thoughts and emotions are safely locked away
So that no one will ever be able to see them.
I can't do anything to make the pain stop,
It consumes me fully, smothers me with darkness.
Why should I scream when no one is listening anyway?
I can't explain what I am feeling, especially when I am alone.
Life is a constant struggle,
Insurmountable walls built of problems,
A daily battle I must fight to survive.
I wish for better days ahead, anything but
Loneliness, hopelessness and despair.
They are a plague, a shadow I cannot shake.
Pain steals all the light from my life,
I have no desire to get out of this bed, my prison.
I can't enjoy the things I used to love
I am trapped in this darkened tomb,
Devoid of self-esteem, I use self-pity as covers
Shame as a pillow to cry on.
In the darkness of my sleepless night,
I am alone.
I toss and turn as peaceful sleep eludes me,
I am alone.
I lay in bed, eyes wide open.
I am so alone...
I am slowly sinking once again,
Into this abyss of depression
Feelings of helplessness smother me
As a shroud, they bury me.
Pain is quicksand that sucks me down.
Alone, I would yell for help but no one would hear.
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Intrusive troubling thoughts,
Tear my world apart, imprisoning my mind.
They have become treacherous companions,
That mock my loneliness...
I am engulfed in sadness and sorrow
That squeezes the air from my lungs.
Suffocating, I am unable to breathe
Trapped in this abyss, I scream out loud for help,
But no one is there to respond.
There is no one listening at all,
For I am alone, completely alone...
Silence haunts me, except for the beating of my heart.
In the darkness of my sleepless night,
I am alone.
I toss and turn as peaceful sleep eludes me,
I am alone.
I lay in bed, eyes wide open.
I am so alone...
The rising sun and warmth seems so far away.
Will the dawn ever come again?
Hope is an empty dream lost to the endless night.
Will I ever find my way home?
If only there were light and comfort.
Will I ever be happy again?

Suddenly a match ignites and burns the darkness,
I see the light and it seems beautiful.
Light and warmth begin to flow from every corner
I follow the light and let it lead the way
Entranced by the magic of the flickering flame
That dances so brightly just for me.

Shadows charge across the wall in the candlelight.
The flame burns brighter and stronger.
What is this Aura that appears brighter than the sun?
A voice whispers, 'follow me, it will be okay'.
It beckons me to come closer and lifts my face to the heavens
And now I am in the stillness of His revitalizing presence.
The glowing brightness melts the gloom
Revitalizing every cell of my entire being.
I embrace a whole new meaning, awakening from my wintery dream
Breaking free of my prison bed,
My soul floods with joy, as I have
Reached a higher level of spiritual enlightenment.
Oh how peaceful that one exhilarating moment.
Strangely I am now composed and calm,
No longer tormented by fear
I know the hope exists because,
the Lord is my light and my salvation

My spirit has finally found a true bed where I can rest.
In the darkness of my sleepless night,
I am not alone.
I relax and let peaceful sleep envelope me,
I am not alone.
I lay in bed, eyes wide open, and I see the truth and the light,
I am never alone...
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"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change." -Barbara de Angelis.
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ARE YOU A FACEBOOKAHOLIC?

By Miriam B. Medina

It seems that this Facebook thing has gotten a little crazy for the past few years. I think it's more than just a fad I think it's here to stay. There's been a popular move made about its conception and creation called "The Social Network" and now the company is even going public which has led, to enormous scrutiny for the organization as the angst builds up on Wall Street and by the government. In fact, Facebook has agreed to the cheapest IPO fees of all time, for any company going public in the history of Wall Street. That means that big time banks are willing to take less money than ever to represent the company. Moreover, perform due diligence on it so that stock can be issued and legally traded.
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The fact is, big banks like JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs don't like to lose money, so they see and understand the enormous popularity of it, even if there are questions as to how to value the company. That's why Facebook has been making so many changes lately, like their unpopular timeline decision and their new rules, because the company is going public. This means that they need to stabilize their platform and how they operate, because anyone will be able to invest in, and lose or gain money from Facebook. Founder Mark Zuckerberg recognizes this and made it apparent in his recent SEC filing when he made his plans to go public a reality. There will be changes to the Facebook that we know and love.

In preparation for the IPO, Facebook founder and CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, embedded a letter to the shareholders within the SEC filing that stated: "Facebook was not originally created to be a company. It was built to accomplish a social mission - to make the world more open and connected..." While Facebook may not have been created to be a company, it is now a company. A big company and it's soon to be a company that will answer to Wall Street."

Well, I must say that I don't care about the valuation of fake profiles and advertising rates and the like, but I, like millions upon millions of others, have become a true Facebookaholic. Facebook, for me and many others, has become a second home, my home away from home. I find every opportunity and reason possible, while working on my computer, to visit it. I constantly check my notifications. Who likes what I posted? Who is sending me a message now, who is apping me, poking me, is ticked off at me, unfriending me or giving me lip? However, that doesn't mean I simply love everything in the world about Facebook. I think I'd like you to make some changes too, while you're at it, Mr. Zuckerberg, and I bet many other Facebookaholics would agree with me. I'd also like to see some changes by people who use Facebook.
Here is a list of my suggested changes:

1. The like button overworked - You don't have to say you like the picture of my kid in a bunny suit or of my dog taking a leak if you don't know me or never met them. I don't want to feel forced to say I like the picture of you dressed up like Lady Gaga with your hairy chest sticking out, either. Press the like button when you know or LIKE something or someone, don't just press it reflexively. It's not the television remote control after all.

2. I hate being pulled into group simply because someone feels I would be suitable for it without asking me if I want to join it. I don't want to be part of the admirers of PEOPLE WHO WON'T PAY FOR BREAST IMPLANTS WITH TAX $$$. Ask me first, before you include me. And don't ask me to play every single game you waste your life playing because I met you in a super market once. Seriously, let's use some common sense here. Sheesh!

3. I hate being made an administrator of something without my even knowing what the title of what I'm administrating represents. I don't know or care anything about the fiscal policy in Bali, so why would I want to be an administrator of a Bali reform group? How am I qualified, because I accepted your friend request because we both know my second cousin? I resent people controlling my life, and there is a large amount of that going on in Facebook. Manners, people, please. I get up at 4 in the morning and walk my dogs every day, and then I immediately go to Facebook and post, even before I have my coffee. The more groups I belong to, the more posts I have to add. Only include me in a group if it means something.

4. Let's make Facebook less competitive. It's like a marathon now, who could outshine everybody else. Who can put out better pictures, who can get the most likes and comments. It's a SOCIAL NETWORK, not a popularity contest. Let's skip the high school drama. I just want to say hello to my best friend from high school I haven't seen in 30 years, see how they are doing, how their family is. I don't want to go back in time and pass notes in gym class telling everyone she should be prom queen because she's the coolest or because she's my friend.

5. If you post too much and too often, in a group then you are accused of taking up the whole wall. Well what's the wall there for, to be posted on, right? That's why it's a wall, so you can write on it. If not, then give everyone one chance to make a comment until all others post. Put up or shut up is what I say. Save the political correctness, for your "Save the Spider Monkey Bedbug in Kirjakhistan" meetings. Seriously.
Lets face it the spin-off to this is that I am addicted. Hey you do meet some real nice people on Facebook, it has its merits, that's why I like it, I just think it could use some improvement, and mostly, people could behave better on Facebook. Some people smile in your face and are nice in posts to you and then stab you in the back. Everyone wants to be popular, but in the process, you step on toes and make enemies out of so-called friends. Why can't we just go on Facebook, play nice and enjoy each other. Post jokes, laugh, interact, and simply AVOID things we don't like instead of making fun of them, cussing at them and knocking them down. On second thought, Mr. Zuckerberg, you don't need to overhaul Facebook, you just need to teach people how to behave.

MAIN BLOG DIRECTORY-November

GETTING TO KNOW MIMI

TABLE OF CONTENTS (1)

Courtesy of Bob Maida-Photographer
A TASTE OF THE PAST: ITALIAN HARLEM
TABLE OF CONTENTS (2)
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A BACKWARD GLANCE AT EAST HARLEM
TABLE OF CONTENTS (2A)
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TENEMENT LIVING: SOCIAL ISSUES OF URBAN LIFE
TABLE OF CONTENTS (2B)
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NEW YORK CITY HISTORY
TABLE OF CONTENTS (2C)
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NEW YORK STATE
TABLE OF CONTENTS
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JEWISH KNOWLEDGE, HISTORICAL FACTS ON ENGLAND &UNITED STATES

TABLE OF CONTENTS (4) 

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PETS
TABLE OF CONTENTS

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CHIT-CHAT OVER COFFEE SWIRLS
TABLE OF CONTENTS (3)
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MISCELLANEOUS, TIMETABLES, ETHNIC GROUPS, LEGAL TALK, ENTERTAINMENT: BACKWARD GLANCES, IMMIGRATION

TABLE OF CONTENTS (5)
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A LITTLE TASTE OF HISTORY, TRANSPORTATION, PANICS AND ECONOMIC DEPRESSIONS, BUSINESS MATTERS

TABLE OF CONTENTS (7)
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POSITIVE THINKING AND SELF-IMPROVEMENT

TABLE OF CONTENTS (4a) 

 How to find a more peaceful existence. Read my articles.
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WOMEN_BIO SKETCHES, FEMININE FANCIES, RECEIPES, KITCHEN TALK, WORSHIP
TABLE OF CONTENTS(6)
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SO MR. PRESIDENT, WHAT DID YOU DO DURING YOUR TERM IN OFFICE?
TABLE OF CONTENTS (9)
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ARTSWORKS AND ENTERTAINMENT
TABLE OF CONTENTS (14) 

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ARCHITECTURE
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EDUCATION
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WISDOM: THOUGHTS FROM THE INDIAN MASTERS
TABLE OF CONTENTS (17)
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UNDERSTANDING MUSIC

TABLE OF CONTENTS (18)
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" THE INTERNATIONAL CORNER"

 
Artist Alessandro Sannino

ITALIAN ARTISTS IN ITALY

"Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures...". -Henry Ward Beecher

ITALIAN ARTIST:  AURELIO PERNICHE

Sicilian Artist: Aurelio Pernice known as " Aurè "

INDEX OF PAINTINGS

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ITALIAN ARTISTS IN ITALY

ROMEO CUOMO
Artist of Hand Painted Tiles and Ceramics

INDEX  OF  PAINTINGS

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El Rincón En Español (The Spanish Corner: )
This section is dedicated to articles of historical facts, poetry, self-improvement, human interest stories etc. written in Spanish.
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"El Rincón Borinqueña"(Puerto Rico)

TABLE OF CONTENTS (13)
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The Italian Niche

TABLE OF CONTENTS (11)

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Brusciano, Italy News/Events (In Italian)

TABLE OF CONTENTS (10A)
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Brusciano, Italy News/Events ( In English)

TABLE OF CONTENTS (10b)

AUTHOR'S SHOWCASE

John J. Burkard (Brooklyn, New York)

Red Hook, Reflections on History

TABLE OF CONTENTS (22)

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Dr. Antonio Castaldo (Brusciano, Italy)

Thoughts of an Italian Writer: A. Castaldo (In English)

TABLE OF CONTENTS (12B)

Pensieri di uno scrittore italiano: dott. Antonio Castaldo

TABLE OF CONTENTS (12a) (Italian)

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Michael Walsh ( Australia)
Poetic Purveyor (Facebook)
TABLE OF CONTENTS (23)



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Miriam B. Medina (Diamond Author at Ezinearticles.com)

Published Articles On Blog

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POETRY BY MIRIAM B. MEDINA
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