Why Do All Good Things Come To An End? (2)

By Miriam B. Medina

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In my opinion, the most crucial factor to consider in a relationship is communication, but it's not the only one. The way we relate to others can either contribute to ruining or to intensifying the partnership. I will only mention a few factors that I believe may largely affect the relationship that can help make it turn sour.

A) Lack of Communication

This is where one partner is reserved in expressing his or her emotional needs and becomes bored with the relationship or just plain stops listening. Sometimes one partner may have high expectations in the relationship, assuming that they will be met, which puts the other person in a compromising position off the bat because he or she doesn't know what to say or how to meet those expectations since they were never made known to him or her during the course of the beginning of the relationship. So in effect, the man or woman is stressed out from the unknown imposed demands and eventually withdraws his or her own emotional support, leaving the other quite disappointed.

Then we have the person who is narcissistic; the one who believes that the world revolves only around him or her, and since the matter at hand doesn't concern him or her, he or she becomes oblivious to his mate's wants and needs. Eventually silence and the withdrawal of emotional support creates an invisible wall between both partners, making it difficult to have a close, intimate relationship. The longer this emotional abandonment lasts, the greater are the damaging effects which chip away at the individual's feelings of self-worth, thus adding to that person's insecurities.

B) Communicative Verbal Abuse and Violence

This is where the "Honeymoon Bliss" relationship turns into a "Fatal Attraction". Negative communication is expressed through physical, emotional and verbal abuse, given with intent to rule, until the other person feels helpless and yields. The partner, by attacking the self-worth and independence of his or her mate through criticism, belittlement, embarrassment, mind games, ridicule and interrogation, maintains a sense of righteousness and strict control. This allows him or her to continue to bully the other in a harmful way, as if the other partner deserves the abuse. The victim becomes the partner's possession, to be done with as he or she pleases. Communicative violence plays a pivotal role in the destruction of a relationship. The pattern of attack may begin with emotional and verbal abuse, but often escalates from mental pushing and shoving to an absolute, powerful expression of physical strength. For those that have the good fortune to live, battered and bruised, emotionally scarred, they undergo a shocking and disturbing future. Most victims are reluctant to speak out as they suffer their eternal shame, feeling helpless, humiliated and desperate, isolated and alone, they maintain their suffering in silence. Often, they turn to alcohol, drugs or self-mutilation, and may even contemplate suicide.

To be continued: Page: 3

To contact: miriammedina@earthlink.net
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