An Embarrassing Moment-When There is No toilet Paper

By Miriam B. Medina

Other than the kitchen, the bathroom is one of the most respected and heavily used domestic spaces in the home. For some reason, people love to spend a lot of time there. It consumes a good part of your home life. Maybe it's because a person can be alone with their thoughts without interruption. Really it is just a place where we relieve ourselves, read bathroom jokes, do crossword puzzles, talk on the cell-phone, smoke cigarettes and maintain our personal hygiene. For women, it's where we wash and blow-dry our hair, apply make-up, and tweeze those annoying eyebrows. For men, it's the toilet throne, a place where they can look at Playboy magazines in private, work on their laptop, shave and groom themselves as well. It's also a place where various items just end up, collected in a mish-mash of confused clusters. Somehow this clumped chaos spreads its way to the counter tops and cabinets like a weed or a virus, taking on a messy life of its own. As if the smell alone wasn't enough to get to you sometimes, the clutter is an annoying reminder that no matter how much you try, you can't keep the bathroom clean in a one bathroom domicile.
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While I'm on the subject of having an only bathroom and pinching your nose, it reminds me of an embarrassing moment I went through last year. I had been invited to my friend's daughter's graduation party in upstate New York, which was celebrated in her backyard. There must have been at least 25 to 30 people there and only one bathroom for everyone to use. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me because I suddenly had a need for that bathroom.
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Unfortunately, I had to wait because there were two people ahead of me. The longer they took, the more nervous I became. Finally, it was my turn to enter. Wow! What a fantastic feeling to be relieved. As I reached for the toilet paper, I noticed there wasn't any left, just an empty cardboard tube in its place.!!@#$%^&*... Nobody thinks of looking for the toilet paper until they need it and there was none to be found, no baby wipes, nothing.
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I started to panic; I squatted and began sifting through the chaotic pile of junk under the bathroom sink, feeling guilty for invading her privacy. I even looked for an air freshener. Now, thinking about it, with 25 guests waiting to use this lavatory, I had three things to worry about:

1. Find toilet paper.
2. Find a can of air freshener.
3. Slink away and find a dark corner to hide in for the remainder of the party.
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Eventually I located a can of air freshener. It was empty. There was one more place to look, the linen closet. As I opened the door of her linen closet, I was greeted by the lovely scent of her Yankee candles. Oh how exciting, now all I needed was a match. Where the hell would I find a match in a bathroom? Addendum to the list above:
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4. Find matches or a lighter (Note: There were probably 15 people smoking in the backyard just outside the bathroom door, but, really, how do you politely ask for a match? "Hello there, pssst, you with the Marlboro, can you slide me a lighter through the bathroom window? Why, you ask? Uhmm.... Need to, uhm, light some candles?")
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Holy cow, doesn't this woman buy anything, what am I to do? A house full of guests and not even one roll of toilet paper? I was too embarrassed to open the door a crack and tell someone to call her. Still in my bare cheeks, dragging my drawers around, I continued to look. Finally, I saw something at the back of the linen closet. I reached in, praying it was the toilet paper. It was another empty cardboard tube with a sliver of toilet paper barely hanging onto it. A man started banging on the door, shouting at the top of his voice: "Hey hurry up in there, what's taking you so long, I have to go real bad!" Sounds as if he had the same problem I had, or else he would have found comfort in the bushes. "I'm coming right out", I responded weakly, feeling sick to my stomach.!!@#$%^&*. I had no way to get rid of the stink, no toilet paper, and I couldn't stay in the bathroom forever. I felt I was going to hyper-ventilate from the anxiety. I needed to do something fast, so I grabbed one of my friend's Better Homes and Garden magazines and ripped out a couple of pages, folded them in half, wetting them and adding body wash which made it mushy.
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Without going into gruesome details, I must say it did the trick. Relieved, refreshed, and dressed minus my drawers, I opened the door smiling at the scowling man who was busy grumbling to himself. He entered the bathroom, little did he know what he was getting himself into, and I zoomed out of there. 'Have a nice day and good luck!' I thought to myself. It's surprising how creative one can be under dreadful circumstances. By the way, my friend did buy a large package of toilet paper; her son just forgot to put it in the bathroom. So here's a bit of advice, before you get down to business, make sure there is toilet paper available... that goes for public bathrooms too.
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If  you like  you can read the entire article: Need to Use the Only Bathroom? Take a Number Please, and Pinch your Nose When entering.